We often taunt our transatlantic cousins for a perceived lack of intelligence, often unfairly; however, sometimes it’s deserved, so let’s do it some more! Here are some of America’s dumbest newspaper headlines:
“Tiger Woods plays with his own balls, Nike says”
As if Tiger’s balls hadn’t got him in enough trouble already! The first train back to journalism school for this reporter.
“Army vehicle disappears”
I know, that’s not dumb at all, but when you read on it all becomes clear, unlike the army truck. “An American Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage”.
“Local child wins gun from fundraiser”
Yes that’s right. This is the heart-warming tale of 19-month-old Stetson Graves, who proudly received of a 17-calibre Marlin rifle as the prize at a local fundraiser. That-a-boy Stetson.
“County to pay £250,000 to advertise lack of funds”
Local authorities… what can you say?
“Ten Commandments, Supreme Court says some OK, some not.”
That headline really does give you the impression of a lucid and comprehensive article. I wonder which were deemed ‘OK’…
“Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons”
If only all firearm raids were so easy.
“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25”
Bear in mind this is only the headline. There was in fact a whole article written about this slightly flawed premise.
“Waterford boy, 8, saves sister’s life”
Now there’s nothing wrong with this at all. The grammar is exemplary and it sounds like a particularly touching tale. All is undone however by the subtitle, which quotes the boy as saying: “I wouldn’t do it again; she’s been a pain this week.” It’s almost enough to bring a tear to the eye.
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